Le Disparu
by Krys1
Summary: One year has passed and SD-6 has been destroyed. But the real danger is just beginning, my friend.
1. Run

Title: Le Disparu  
Author: Krys  
E-Mail: firerebellion@yahoo.com 

Website: http://www.angelfire.com/rebellion/playingwithfire

Category: Sydney/Vaughn, Sydney POV, AU

Rating: R   
Spoilers: Up to and including "A Higher Echelon"

Timeline: A year into the future  
Summary: One year has passed and SD-6 has been destroyed. But the real danger is just beginning.

Disclaimer: If I honestly owned Alias, do you think I'd be writing these little fanfics when I could just make whatever I want happen on the show?

Notes: "Le Disparu" means "The Disappeared One" in French, in case any of you were wondering. This is my first Alias fanfic, and feedback is more than welcome.

**Chapter 1**

 Run.

 My mind screams the word over and over, leaving me unable to process anything else. The color crimson flashes repeatedly before my eyes, perfectly in tune with the pounding inside my skull. Faintly, I hear the never-ending techno music in the background. My body has switched into attack mode, prepared to get the hell out of there or kill. Or perhaps both, if need be. Although I am focused on the enemy's movements and the nearest escape route, I become slowly aware of a dull throbbing in my temple. Lifting a hand, I feel the sticky wet blood on the right side of my head. _Fuck. Just what I need. I make a mental note to have Dad check that out later. Right now, my only priority is to make it outside alive. _

 My heart pounds in my chest loudly. My breathing has become ragged, and I find it struggling to take a deep breath. For some odd reason, I can't remember becoming this afraid in a long time. Even during countless missions in the past, I've never been like this. There was always a sense of danger and uncertainty, but now there seems to be something else. Something unknown, not unlike a paralyzed feeling. It seems as if I've lost confidence in my abilities as a spy, and anyone who is one can tell you that will lead to your downfall. Once you no longer believe in your instincts, you stop relying on them. And then the fear settles in, grabbing a hold on you and not letting go. By the time you do actually decide on a move, by then it's too late. Because you're already dead.

*

 Running.

 The hammering against the cement echoes throughout the narrow alley. The darkness makes it hard to watch where I'm heading. The rain pounds the earth in a fury, leaving me freezing and drenched to the core. Judging by the other footsteps I now hear, my enemies must not be far behind. I feel fatigued from all the distance I have been running. My body screams in pain, my mind begging me to stop and rest for just a little moment. But they are getting closer; I can feel it deep in my bones. I try to remember my destination. A flashback suddenly appears in my head. 

_ "__Sydney__, the extraction point lies in __Moscow__. You will head there by foot after intercepting the concealed document. There will be four guards located on the top floor of the club, where the clandestine meeting between a KGB operative and an unknown __Alliance__ member will take place. You are to take out the first guard, posted by the stairwell, then take out two other guards located in front of the meeting room. Plant the device which will release a gas when the code '9320' is entered into this cell phone. That cell phone will also work as a descrambler to enter the back door of the room, which leads you into one of the offices of Yudin, the KGB director. Hack into the safe located behind the bookcase using the cell phone again and steal other documents which could possibly be useful to us. Your partner for this mission, Agent Leonov, will be attending the meeting. He's a CIA double agent undercover as KGB. He will call you on your cell phone, pretending to confirm the exchange of the document to Yudin. Yudin will in fact be in Moscow to plan an attack against the CIA, which is where I will be located. Once you receive Leonov's call, release the gas and enter the meeting room with a gasmask. Steal the document and exit through the south stairwell with Leonov. There you will part ways. I shall meet you in __Moscow__. Good luck."_

 The whole scenario plays out in my head vividly. I see myself entering the club, entering the meeting room,  stealing some documents from the safe, receiving Agent Leonov's phone call, putting on my gasmask, and then entering the room. And that is where everything fades to black, as the butt of the pistol is smashed into my right temple. In what felt like hours – perhaps even days – later, I had awaken, to find myself in the same meeting room with someone who I can only assume is Leonov since the other two men were nowhere to be seen. His face had on the gasmask. My mind screamed at me to run. I instantly switch into attack mode, ignoring the pain in my head. There was something that felt different about this mission; something that I couldn't quite place. 

 It was then that Agent Leonov took off his mask, smiling cruelly. 

 It was then that the fear settled in, seeping coldly through my veins. 

 Gripping my lungs until I was suffocating, gasping for a breath of air. 

 For the first time, I seemed to had forgotten everything I learned as being a spy for three years. And that scared me even more. It was all because that person – Agent Leonov – was someone I knew. He was someone I had trusted for years. A person I thought I would never see again. Yet here he was. And here I was. Running.


	2. The Game

**Chapter 2**

 This is how it started.

 A morning like any other morning; a day like any other day. Living a life that is created on deceit, betrayal, and lies. I have long ago lost count of all the lies; there are far too many. And I don't even bother trying to keep track anymore; to differentiate between what is real and what is not. What is even real anymore? 

 The one thing that felt real in a long time was "The Day". After so many years devoted to destroying SD-6, it finally happened. I was free. Or so I thought. I'll never forget the moment when I walked out of Credit Dauphine, knowing that I will never have to walk back in there as long as I live. Knowing I would never have to deceive the people I care about or feed them lie after lie again. I would never have to feel afraid anymore. Like I said before, I was free – or so I thought.

 There will always be one challenge after the other. This is the game we play; the kind of life you could never escape. The rules of the game are simple – kill or be killed. Fight until the death; fight until you know longer know what you are fighting for. And always remember: You are doing a great service to your country.

 Finally the day came when the game would end. I would never look back on my old life; never have to remember all the things I have done. I would be a new person. But it never happened. I would never be that person because I would never really be free. I will always be a spy. I will always play the game.

 Yes, I had hope at first. I was on top of the world when "The Day" happened. I felt I had made a difference. I had served my country well. I planned to start my long-awaited teaching career. I planned a normal life with a man named Michael Vaughn. I planned a house by the beach, children, even a dog. Family and friends would be visiting all the time. It was the perfect life, a dream really, and sadly, that's all it was. Nothing short of what little girls grow up thinking.

 But wait. Stop. Was I ever a little girl? I was trained to be a spy, damn it. And by my own flesh and blood, no less. I would never have that normal life I want so badly. Once in the game, always in the game, remember?

 I wonder if my father or mother ever wanted out. If they ever wished I would never end up like them. Sometimes I think they enjoy it all. And I'd be lying if I said I never did, because there are moments. They are when I have waken up in the morning, feeling that that is the day when all my dreams will become a reality. When you start to believe all the lies until what is real and what is not becomes blurry for you too. 

 That moment – that morning – was indeed the day. 

 I walked into Credit Dauphine, greeted everyone friendly enough, completed the paperwork from my previous mission and sat through an afternoon debriefing with Arvin Sloane explaining a new mission for tomorrow. And I remember thinking, _You bastard, there won't be a tomorrow. At least not for you. Who knew that there wouldn't be one for me, either?_

 And then it happened.

 What seemed like one hundred to two hundred armed government officials burst in from every entrance, gunfire exploding when chaos reigned. It was all so surreal, like I was watching it from outside myself. Everything appeared to be happening in slow motion, like I was in some movie. I looked around for my father, but he was nowhere in sight. Instead I saw Sloane, being led out by a handful of agents. I remember noting he looked unusually calm for the situation, judging by the fact that he seemed to be cooperating. He glanced over at me briefly then, a small smile playing at his lips, his expression unreadable. And then it hit me. He _knew. _

 I felt a touch on my arm, and turned around. But Vaughn or my father was not the person standing there. It was my mother. She was the one who had made this happen. She had discovered the evidence regarding SD-6's involvement with espionage and extortion needed to convict them. It was quite an amazing feat; no one ever had enough evidence to do so before. And what was even more amazing was that Irina only asked to be there for me when that day came in return. And here it was. 

 I walked out with my mother soon after to meet my Vaughn, my father, and everyone else outside. I remember wanting to get the hell out of there and never see that place again. Yet I know it will always be imprinted in my mind, like a burn that never heals. The faces of the people I had passed day by day over the years will never be forgotten. The expressions on Dixon and Marshall that day will never be forgotten either. As I left, I looked back. Only once, but it was enough. 

*

 You are doing a great service to your country.

 I repeat this in my head over and over. It has become my mantra. It was what Sloane had taught me when I was training to be a spy at SD-6; it was what Devlin had said post–SD-6 takedown when he proceeded to tell me that there was so much more they needed me for at the CIA. That it was far from over. And now here I am, one year later, still playing this fucked-up game. Although I no longer walk into Credit Dauphine everyday, it's still the same. I still deceive the people I care about and feed them lie after lie. I still feel afraid. The only difference now is I don't dare to dream. 

 When I walk into the club in Metiszi, Russia, I repeat the mantra. And all the while I try to believe it, like I once used to. I hear my father's voice in my head, explaining in detail what I am doing on this mission. I see myself entering the club, entering the meeting room, stealing some documents from the safe, receiving Agent Leonov's phone call, putting on my gasmask, entering the room, being knocked unconscious by the butt of a pistol, and feeling that there was something different about this mission. 

 And that was when the fear grabbed a hold on me, not letting go. 

 And then I remember having to make a move, because although I want out of this game so badly, I don't want to die. 

 And this is how it ended. Because Agent Leonov was someone I knew. Someone I had trusted. Someone I thought I would never see again. And his name was Danny. He was a part of the game, too. Don't you see? We all are.


End file.
